


A Thousand Silhouettes

by starsofyoursoul (Apothecary_Rose)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Aunt Ahsoka, Child Luke Skywalker, Drabbles, F/M, Ficlet Collection, Fluff, Gen, Ghost Padme, Mentions of Canonical Character Death, One-Shots, Post-Episode: s05e15 The Lawless, Satine Kryze Lives, Star Wars Fictober Challenge, Tags to be added as I go, Team as Family, The Lawless AU, there's a lot of contemplation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-01-08 23:20:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 3,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12264144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apothecary_Rose/pseuds/starsofyoursoul
Summary: Collection of fics for Star Wars Fictober Challenge. Cross-posted on tumblr.Day 01: First - His son's name is Luke Skywalker.Day 02: Island - Obi-Wan and Tatooine.Day 03: Emotion - Try as he might, Obi-Wan can't hide from his emotions after rescuing Satine. AU of The Lawless.Day 04: Flight - Ezra's first time piloting.Day 05: Game - Hide and Seek, Jedi-style. Happy AU setting.Day 06: Friend - Leia contemplates Luke.Day 07: Absent - Vader, on Luke's presence in the Force.Day 08: Winter - Luke and Hoth.Day 09: Flaw - Maul is a Sith and Sith do not love.Day 10: Dream - Vader dreams.Day 11: Child - Padme watches over Luke on Tatooine.





	1. First

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my contribution to the Star Wars Fictober Challenge, a series of fics based on prompts for the month of October. This first one I kinda just fleshed out one of my Vader headcanons.  
> The collection title comes from "Silhouettes" by Of Monsters and Men.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 01: First - His son's name is Luke Skywalker.

Vader waits until he is alone in his quarters before he says his son’s name out loud.

“Luke Skywalker.”

He expects it to roll off his tongue easily but he is surprised when his throat catches halfway through.

_(“What do you think of Luke?”_

_Padme is lounging on the sofa, curls undone around her shoulders, her hand rubbing slow circles on her stomach. The Coruscant sunset casts a soft glow around their apartment and Anakin is sure he has never felt more content than he does in this moment._

_“Luke?”_

_“For the baby.”_

_“Oh,” he tilts his head. “I hadn’t really thought of it yet. We don’t even know what we’re having.”_

_“I know,” she says quietly. She looks down at her stomach thoughtfully before she looks back up at him with a soft smile. “I just have a feeling.”_

_He smiles back at her and for a moment simply takes in the sight of her._

_“So, Luke, huh?”_

_“Mmm,” she hums. “It means ‘light giving.’” Her smile is still relaxed but he can tell she is watching his face. He considers it for a moment. Rolls the name around in his head. His smile grows._

_“Luke,” he says, his voice quiet. “Luke Skywalker?” He hesitates because they haven’t discussed the subject of last names either but her eyes are warm and bright and when she reaches for him, he can feel her happiness radiating through the Force._

_He sits behind her on the couch and wraps his arms around her waist, settling both of his hands over hers on her stomach. She leans her head back against his chest. When she speaks, he can hear her smile._

_“Luke Skywalker.”)_

Vader jolts out his seat and walks the length of his room to shake off the sudden memory. He clenches his fists and stands looking out into space for several long moments before he attempts to say the name again.

His voice doesn’t catch but whenever he attempts his normal tones, it always sounds _off._ Harsh, bitter. Nothing that _fits._

He pauses, considering. He tries not to think of Padme again, of the softness of the memory but it lingers in his mind.

“Luke,” he tries, his voice much quieter this time. “Luke Skywalker.” He closes his eyes and simply breathes.

It has been so long since he’s had a reason to be gentle. He is surprised by how easy it comes.

 ( _“This is a happy moment. The happiest moment of my life.”)_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wanted to give this challenge a try. I've never done one of these before and as you can see I'm already a few days late but I hope to catch up. I'm a bit rusty and I'm not sure how well this turned out but I'm excited to be writing again and to be participating!


	2. Island

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 02: Island - Obi-Wan and Tatooine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly but surely working through these. This one's shorter and a bit of a different style I was trying out.

the desert is hot and cruel. it seems to tear a piece of him with every sandstorm and Obi-Wan tries not to remember another planet that burned and burned and burned until there was nothing left. _but when he dreams, he always dreams of bright flames and charred skin and yellow eyes. when he wakes, his throat is raw, his face wet._

some part of him ( _the part where he used to tuck all his love and affection, that Mustafar had ripped wide open but still somehow hadn’t burned out completely, that always reeked of failure and now aches with bitterness)_ thinks it’s fitting that he should spend the rest of his days on such an unforgiving planet. alone, isolated, an island in the desert, choking on regret and sand under scorching suns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan makes me sad sometimes.  
> Anyway, thank you for your kudos and comments and everything! They mean so much to me.


	3. Emotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 03: Emotion - Try as he might, Obi-Wan can't hide from his emotions after rescuing Satine. AU of The Lawless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place after the Season 5 episode The Lawless, except that it assumes that things went a little differently. So, basically, Satine and Obi-Wan escaped Mandalore but it's implied that they both got a little beat up in the process. I hope it makes sense enough to enjoy!  
> I also changed the format a little.

            Obi-Wan waited until the ship had safely entered hyperspace before he allowed a moment to center himself. He felt as if he had been running for days and his heart was pounding. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

            A gentle hand on his arm made him look up. Satine looked as though she hadn’t slept in days. Her hair was a mess and she had a dark bruise developing on her left cheek. Despite this, her eyes were warm and when she gave him a soft smile, Obi-Wan felt for a moment as if his heart was going to fly right out of his chest.

            Some part of him knew he should pull back, like he had before, like he always did. He should insist that she see the med droid, then hide away to meditate, to calm down the emotions that were building up in his chest.

            Only, he couldn’t tear his gaze away from her face. She was bruised and exhausted and yet she was standing here, looking at him with such a warm, grateful expression. Obi-Wan couldn’t move.

            She should be dead. She had been a prisoner of Darth Maul, for Force’s sake. Maul who was vicious and unforgiving, who had murdered his master before his eyes and had no doubt planned to do the same with Satine. All to cause him pain because Maul had _known_ , somehow had known what she meant to him. What she shouldn’t mean to him at all because he is a Jedi. The very situation should alarm him more than anything. That should be all the reason he needs to get a hold of his emotions and reestablish the careful distance that he has always tried to maintain between them.

            But her hand was warm and her smile was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He opened his mouth to ask if she was alright, to tell her she should see the medical droid, but his throat closed and all he could manage was a strange choking sound. Her fingers curled into his sleeve as she took a step towards him. He inhaled sharply.

            “Obi-Wan,” she started and the sound of her voice sent a flood of confusing emotions through him. Overwhelming relief, unbelievable gratitude, and something else he pretended not to understand but had always known threatened to swallow him whole. He blinked several times. Satine said his name again, this time with more understanding than confusion, and impulsively he reached for her.

            She caught his hand with hers. Her eyes searched his face. He felt exposed under her gaze, his hand still clasped in hers and his emotions more open than they had been in ages. She had always been good at reading him, understanding him better than even himself sometimes. She released his hand and for a brief moment, he wondered if she would walk away. Instead, she took another step and wrapped her arms around his waist.

            “Satine,” he choked out, startled. The years of Jedi training in him screamed that he should not allow this but he couldn’t seem to hear anything over the suddenly loud beating of his heart. Then she pressed her face into his chest, her breath hitched, her shoulders shook, and his arms engulfed her before he could stop himself. Her fingers dug into the back of his robe and she curled herself further into him in response. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. He could feel her emotions swirling in the Force. He was prepared for the combination of relief and despair, of pain and thankfulness. He was not prepared, however, for the sheer force of that which he had tried so hard to deny in himself but rang so clearly now as they clutched each other in the hull of this ship: love.

            It momentarily overwhelmed him. In any other situation, he would be able to bury it away, pretend it came solely from her. Now, however, he could no longer hide away behind his Jedi veneer. The last 24 hours had been exhausting, physically and emotionally. With Satine pressed so closely against him, warm and real, after he had come so close to losing her and the fear of that had almost suffocated him, he could no longer pretend.

            He didn’t know what this would mean later, though he had a strange feeling that things would be different now. He found he was too tired to care about the implications, however.  He let himself sink into the love that had always been between them, no matter how hard he had tried to keep it at bay. He pulled her closer to his chest, tangled his fingers into her hair, and breathed.

            They held each other all the way back to Coruscant.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took way longer than I anticipated because life is a mess and I had writer's block. I knew that I wanted it to be Obitine but I had trouble figuring out how. Then I rewatched parts of The Lawless and I couldn't get the scene where Satine hugs Obi-Wan out of my head, so here we are.  
> I hope it works? I was trying to tap into what they might be feeling after such an experience and I feel like it'd be hard to just slip back into the whole distant try not to let on that we love each other because Jedi thing. And I do just want them to be happy together, so there's that as well.  
> I might one day expand this into an actual au fic because I love them and have some ideas but we'll see. Obi-Wan, in particular, is hard to write.  
> Thanks for reading! All of your support warms my heart.


	4. Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 04: Flight - Ezra's first time piloting.

The first time Hera had let Ezra pilot a ship by himself, he had been so nervous, he’d thought for sure that he was going vomit all over his seat.

He had practically vibrated with excitement when she had finally agreed that he was ready but when it came time for him take off, reality set in and his hands actually shook when reached for the controls. He called on the Force to calm himself and then Hera’s voice crackled through the comms, as though she could sense his anxiety.

_“Just remember what I taught you,”_ she said, voice calm and warm with reassurance. “ _You’ll do fine.”_

He smiled. She had been training him for this and while he had had bit of a bumpy start, Hera was confident in his skills. He breathed out slowly and started the ship up. When he made it into space without incident, he began practicing the maneuvers he and Hera had worked on.

He had heard pilots, Hera included, talk before about the feeling of flying, that it was hard to put into words the exhilaration and freedom. Though he had experienced flying before, he hadn’t quite understood what they meant until that moment, when he was alone, nothing but him, his ship, and the stars.

“ _There’s nothing quite like it, is there?”_ Hera’s voice came in, again as though she could sense his feelings. He laughed. Sometimes, he wondered if she wasn’t more in tune with Force than she let on.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “There’s nothing quite like it at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kinda eager to catch up so I wrote a couple today. I'm not really thrilled with this one because it didn't turn out quite as I hoped. I figured I'd post it anyway since I already got the next one and I don't really feel like there's much else I want to do with it. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading!


	5. Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 05: Game - Hide and Seek, Jedi-style. Happy AU setting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really excited to write this because I love the idea of Auntie Soka. This is set in an au in which no one turned to the darkside and everyone is happy.

The lake shimmered in the mid-afternoon sun on Naboo. It was a quiet day as Ahsoka sat on the balcony overlooking the lake. Her eyes were closed and she was focused intently.

She stretched out in the Force searching for signatures nearby. Two specific signatures. Ordinarily, they were both vibrant stars, nearly impossible to miss. Now, they were dimmer, flickering occasionally, as though trying to hide but it only took her a few minutes more to pinpoint both locations. One was in the library and the other was in the kitchen.

Ahsoka smiled. They were getting better.

She opened her eyes and stood up slowly. She decided the kitchen was closer, so she slowly walked in that direction.

The light was off, the room was quiet, and any ordinary person wouldn’t suspect a thing. Ahsoka stood in the doorway and let her eyes roam over the cupboards as she concentrated. Then she grinned, carefully walking over to one of the cupboards above the sink. She waved her hand, the door flew open and she quickly reached in.

“Found you!” She called out, laughing, as she pulled a young Luke out of his hiding place. He let out a disappointed groan but immediately began giggling as she tickled him.

“Ah, Auntie Soka, stop!” He protested between giggles and playfully slapped at her hands. Ahsoka continued to tickle him for a couple minutes before placing him the floor. Luke took a minute to catch his breath and then looked up her with what was supposed to be a stern and disappointed face but his cheeks were still red from laughter and he couldn’t keep the smile down for more than a few seconds. “I can’t believe you found me so fast!”

“I’ve got a lot more practice at this than you,” she said kindly. He made a face at that, something between an indignant pout and resigned acceptance. She chuckled and ruffled his hair. “But hey, it took me longer to find you this time. Both of you. That means you’re getting better.”

“Really?” He lifted his head up, face brightened at the praise.

“Really,” she said with an encouraging smile. She held out her hand to him. “Now, you want to help me find Leia? She’s somewhere in the library.”

“Wow, you are good, Auntie Soka!” He grinned. He took her hand and started pulling her towards the doorway. “Let’s go!”

Ahsoka laughed.  

“Okay, okay,” she said lowering her voice. “But remember, we have to be quiet if we’re going to surprise her.” He nodded eagerly and put a finger to his lips.

“Right,” he whispered. He giggled again, though quieter this time, and tugged her hand.

Ahsoka smiled as she let him lead her away. Though Obi-Wan may be “the coolest Jedi uncle ever” in their eyes, she was certain she had him beat in the fun department.

And she was definitely going to rub it in the next time she saw him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whenever I get sad over things in the Star Wars universe (which is often because this is a galaxy full of pain), I like to imagine happy, fluffy AUs where all my favorites are alive and happy and safe. So when the idea came to me, it was too good to pass up. I enjoyed writing it quite a bit and I hope you enjoyed reading it!


	6. Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 06: Friend - Leia contemplates Luke.

Leia couldn’t quite explain the strange sort of connection she felt with Luke. The young farm boy with messy blonde hair and earnest blue eyes had surprised her from the start. He hadn’t learned to be cold and cynical but Tatooine had weathered him, she could tell. Sometimes he could be naïve and reckless but he was also kind and hopeful. At first, she thought she had felt drawn to him simply because he had been grieving and she could empathize with his pain. As time drew on, though, she knew it had to be more than that. She felt as though she knew him, as if they were old friends who hadn’t seen each other in years. Then Luke had taken her hands on Endor and called her sister _,_ and she thought, _of course,_ the word she’d been looking for this whole time was _brother_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so far behind! Life is messy and I'm having trouble corralling my ideas. Thank you for your continued kindness. Your comments, kudos, and bookmarks are delightful.


	7. Absent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 07: Absent - Vader, on Luke's presence in the Force.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be something else entirely but then Vader insisted, I guess.

Vader has grown used to the absence of warmth. He wraps the cold around himself like an armor. He is safest where he is coldest, warmth has only ever seared away pieces of him until he’s nothing but a charred mess of anger and pain. So, he has cultivated the coldness within him, it devours whatever seeds of light might still remain, chokes them off before they have a chance to grow. 

And Luke, Luke is nothing but warmth. A ball of light, a small sun that flickers at the edge of his mind. He keeps his distance from it as best he can. He pretends it’s because the light repulses him but the truth, which he finds harder to deny the longer he is near Luke, is that he is terrified. He is strongest where it is cold and dark and bitter and here is Luke with his warmth and light and love. Luke, who’s Force presence is so bright Vader can hardly stand to be near it. Luke, who reaches for him without malice or expectation but with hope and a gentleness that Vader does not deserve.

He is certain Luke could burn right through him if given the chance.

( _But he doesn’t, he doesn’t._

_Because Luke’s warmth is nothing like the suns of Tatooine or the fires of Mustafar._

His _is like the warmth of Obi-Wan’s hand on his shoulder, of Ahsoka’s smile during a sparring session, of Rex’s laugh after a mission gone well, of Padme’s voice when she talks_ of _the future and how much she loves him._

_Everything Anakin had loved and protected_ ). 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This month turned into a bit of an emotional mess for me personally, so I fell way more behind on this and these few prompts were giving me trouble. I know tomorrow is Halloween but I'm still going to give this challenge a go. 
> 
> I'm sorry I haven't responded to your comments but I appreciate them so much, as well as all the kudos, bookmarks, etc.


	8. Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 08: Winter - Luke and Hoth.

 When Luke thinks of snow, he thinks of many things.

The wind whipping against him, like it was taking pieces of his skin off. The numbness slowly creeping up his face, down his fingers and toes. How the cold air makes his chest burn in a way he didn’t know was possible.

He sometimes thinks of sharp claws and pain. Of loud growling and fear, a slowly building panic followed by a forced calm. Trembling fingers and desperation.

Of Ben’s voice, calling to him, the only clear thing amid the snowstorm.

The exhilaration before flight, a tangle of fear and excitement. The sound of AT-ATs and laser blasts. Dak’s shout. His ship crashing into the snow.

But he also thinks of his own wide eyes, breath caught in his throat, as he stares out at Hoth for the first time.

Of Han’s mischievous grin, his voice quiet, teaching Luke about snowballs. Of Chewie’s loud laughter at Han’s surprised snow-covered face and Leia’s proud smirk. Of Artoo’s happy beeping after shoving Threepio into a snowbank.

He thinks of warm hands on his face. A voice, edged with concern, reassuring him that he’ll be okay. Of Leia’s face, full of relief, pressing a mug of hot liquid into his hands. Of Chewie patting his arm affectionately and Han’s typical cocky smile softening when he sees him.  Threepio chattering away at how happy he is Luke is alright and Artoo scolding him for worrying them.

He thinks of a warmth blooming in his chest, a soft smile on his face.

When Luke thinks of snow, he thinks of many things.

 


	9. Flaw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 09: Flaw - Maul is a Sith and Sith do not love.

He was forged in violence, in pain, bitter and remorseless. His body and mind were torn and reformed again and again until he took the shape of the perfect apprentice. A proud Lord of the Sith. Even after he had been ripped to pieces and left for dead, still, his strength was in his resentment and spiteful anger.

He was neither soft nor kind. He did not care, he did not _love._

He tells himself this despite the reassurance he feels when Savage stands at his side. Or the sense of comfort from the weight of Savage’s hand on his wrist, on his back, on his head. The way the word _brother_ feels less like a title and more like an endearment, which warms and angers him at the same time. How everything about Savage, his voice, his laugh, his presence, becomes so fixed in Maul’s mind, tangled up in his hearts, that Maul cannot imagine an existence without him. How it all happened without warning, suddenly seizing upon him in a way that he cannot understand.

He tells himself this until his old Master plunges two sabers into Savage’s body and the word _brother_ is ripped from Maul’s voice, painfully, as if someone had just torn out his stomach. When he catches his brothers hand, he knows. His anger burns but his pain threatens to suffocate him and in the end, none of it matters because Sidious was always more powerful.

Later, and for many years after when he is alone on a desolate planet cloaked in the Dark Side, he will wonder that if perhaps he had not loved his brother so much, he might have been strong enough to save him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting into Maul's head is difficult but I have a lot of feelings about him and Savage so I gave it a shot?


	10. Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 10: Dream - Vader dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still going! Here's something, a little different?

Ashes fall like snow; the air is thick with smoke. The hum of lightsabers. Blasters firing. The temple burning. Blood-covered sand. Rivers of fire. Faces, aching and bloody. His mother. Ahsoka. Obi-Wan. Padme. Voices, wretched, worn. Screaming. Sobbing. Hands reaching for him, clinging to him, slipping from his grasp. _Anakin. Anakin, please._ Blue eyes hover at the edge, a yearning sadness within them. He doesn’t know who they belong to but their familiarity haunts him hours after he has awoken, throat dry and heart pounding.

(Anakin once thought nothing could ever be as painful as the visions of Padme’s death but the dreams that plague Vader in the cold of space, alone and bitter, are far worse).

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so short but it's here. I know it's November but I'm going to keep plugging away at these even if I don't finish them until the end of the year. 
> 
> Your comments and kudos mean so much, honestly. Thank you!


	11. Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 11: Child - Padme watches over Luke on Tatooine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy December! I finally tackled prompt 11. It's sadder than originally intended but Star Wars fic tends to do that, I guess?

Padme realized the suns were beginning to set, though Luke was too distracted playing fighter pilot to notice the darkening sky. Beru would be out soon to call him inside but until then, Padme drank in the sight of Luke’s bright grin and laughing eyes as he zoomed around, arms spread wide. His chores took most of the day, leaving only a few spare hours in the evening for such carefree fun.

She was grateful, that the Lars family had taken him in. They were kind, decent, and hard-working. They fed him and clothed him. They taught him things and they protected him from harm. They cared for him. She was truly grateful.

But her heart still ached.

It ached every time Luke asked questions that his aunt and uncle couldn’t answer. Every time he wondered what his father was like or who his mother had been.  Every time he looked up to the sky, eyes full of dreams, after a long tiring day. Every time he woke up with a nightmare. Her heart ached every time he was sick or frightened or cold.

Force, her heart even ached when he _laughed_.

She wanted to brush the hair from his eyes, cup his cheeks, kiss his nose, and tell him how much she loved him. How much she had always loved him.

She wanted to tell him all about his sister, who was fierce and kind and brave even now. How they should have grown up as the best of friends who fought and laughed together, how they would have teased and loved each other.

She wanted to tell him all about Naboo, with its clear waters and warm breezes and the room she had decorated just for them.

How ecstatic Anakin had been at the thought of them, at the thought of him. How much Anakin had loved him.

She can only watch him, in the lowlight of the twin sunsets, as he laughs and plays alone. These few precious moments are the only ones they have just the two of them and though he cannot hear or see her, sometimes she wonders if he can sense her presence.

For her, that will have to be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of feelings about Padme & Luke, most of which are sad, so that's how this happened. I hope you like it, though! 
> 
> Thanks again for the continued support and feedback, even as I slowly trudge along. You're all gems and I appreciate you so much!


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